It's days like these that I wish that no one had found me that evening in 2010, and I could have taken Grimmy's hand and left this place behind.
I just feel so empty right now. I haven't picked up an art utensil or written a single word of prose for two weeks. I try to, but think: What's the fucking point? There IS no point. None.
I've been crying for days, and seem to be chronically lethargic. Being screamed at doesn't help my appetite, so I'm probably going to lose a few pounds (which, in all honesty, I can benefit from immensely. So there's that.).
I shouldn't feel like this. I mean, I know I'm lucky. Very lucky, compared to some people I know. I just can't bring myself to care.
I tried calling you earlier, but I got your answering machine. I get so flustered with those things, so I'm just letting you know I called here. I'm here to talk if you need me. I will be busy during the day this week (yardwork and errands), but during the evenings and nights I should be free. I'll try calling you again tomorrow. I'm worried. :(
ReplyDeleteI felt really emotional after reading this post. It hit home, like these words could have come from me, with only slight modifications. Maybe we can cheer each other up. <3 Please be safe.
Hey, Der. Sorry if I caused any distress. ): I'm still here, just feeling "meh." The Jump Out the Window feeling passed at least. These ups and downs are just something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.
DeleteMy phone's dumb. Or just dying (like forever dead-dying). It doesn't vibrate when I tell it to, and sometimes doesn't show missed calls unless I manually go through the menu. So...that's why no peeps were heard from me. I doubt I'd be pleasant to talk to over the phone anyway. :P
I'm just gonna be silent for awhile probably. Don't you get sad now, y'hear? *snug*
I'm glad you're safe! <3 I figured you either didn't want to talk or I was catching you at a bad time (eating, sleeping, shower, etc.) But I understand about the phone. Mine is impossible to hear when I'm not in the same room as it, unless there's no other sounds in the house. Sinks, TVs, the Washer/Dryer, and people talking can all overpower it and I won't notice until I set my alarm for the night. XD
DeleteBah, who cares if you're pleasant to talk to when you're upset. I was worried about you and wanted to make sure you were all right. *hugs*
Thanks for the heads up... I hope you come back to Internet-land soon! (I need to do so, too, I know, I know.) And I'll try not to be sad, even though it's hard.
If you want to chat on IM, just give me a time. :3 I think bugging each other will make us WORK like we need to.
DeleteI do have a post WIP (not counting retrospectives). Nothing special, but it might get the ball rolling. It's mainly the vid/music lists, reading lists, show lists and photos of...stuff (stacks of refs, drawing WIPs-still not touched but will show that I haven't burned them, books, etc.)
Would a Google Doc work? I could make a Doc called "Meshia Chat" or something, and we could use the chat bar there. It's easier than downloading an IM program to this old computer. ;_; I should be online Friday, if the weather isn't mean. More storms are supposed to be on Friday, so I don't know.
DeleteAny posting is good at this point, right? Just like any drawing or writing you can get done. ^^ I want to look at something or read when I return online later this week! <3
While I know I most likely never had the same experiences as you (that 2010 thing sounds really scary), I absolutely know how you feel. I have these kinds of bouts more than enough times I can count :( Heck, some days I even feel like just telling the world to go hell. I don't know what else to say except I'm here to listen too. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, to cheer you up, I thought I'd tell you that I'm currently working on the Archons chibis :D (3 done, 4 to go).
*snugs* Artists' heads, man. They're pretty messed up.
DeleteBut you can dooooo it! You've been producing really nice work lately, at least from what I've seen on dA.
CHIBIS! ARCHONS! *hovers over you creepily and waits*